Thursday, June 6

 
my new girl-neurosis: the fear that i will not be able to afford the wedding of my dreams. induced both by the advent of my 22nd year and the completion of a silly bride book (in which the protagonist, due to lack of funds, is forced to get married in her parents' backyard, in her mother's hideous frontier-style wedding dress, with new york wine [shudder]), what began as a slight concern has blown up into a genuine (though admittedly mad) anxiety. i just can't be that girl! for one thing, my parents' backyard slopes sharply and is covered with rocks, making it incondusive to high heels. not to mention the fact that my mother got married in las vegas, and i don't look good in sequins. thus, i decided to take the bull by the reins (do i mean horns? can you put a bridle on a bull?) and do something about my nuptial fate: yesterday, june 6th, 2002, saw the birth of the shannon mchugh wedding fund. that's right. call me crazy if you will. but know that i am now $50 closer to having a barbeque-free wedding. and just think - if i keep this up, by the time i get married, i could be at least $3,000 closer to having my dream wedding (although my mother would probably make the joke that i could buy a new car with that fund by the time i actually find a husband. she's very funny*.)

*know this: my mother may be a cold woman, but she's certainly not tacky. her wedding dress did not really have sequins. i just couldn't post this and let people think that the grandmother of my future children took her vows in a gaudy showgirl bustier.
posted by from shannon at 11:56 AM

Wednesday, June 5

 
although i still am of the strong belief that the "your mom" retort is still, when used appropriately, potent and priceless, i recognize that overuse has made most people numb to it. that is why my friend lindy and i have delved into previously unknown territory - a "your dad" sort of humor that has become progressively cruder and more horrifying. however, janelle, the other third of our trio, has always expressed zero tolerance of this joke and will never let us make any reference to sleeping with her father. today, however - on the way to her 21st birthday dinner and, arguably, her initiation as a woman - she shocked us all. exaggerating slightly about lindy's dad's job as an internationally acclaimed religious speaker, i innocently asked someone in the car if they knew that "lindy's dad brought religion to the people of russia." and then janelle, normally the grace of us all, said: "yeah, and to shannon as well. she's always calling out, 'oh god, oh god.'" we were all so scandalized that we were momentarily stunned into silence. then we all burst out laughing. i personally almost shed a tear, i was so proud.

and just for the record, lindy's dad has never caused me to shout the lord's name in vain.

it's more like, "give it to me, reverend parker."
posted by from shannon at 11:43 PM

Monday, June 3

 
And now Shannon is getting ready for The Get Up Kids concert by having a private moment with Brian. But Brian decided he hated music and would rather live the life of a penniless hobo, so he is not coming to the concert with us. But he is going to be pretty sad when we are all kicking the crap out of the emo kids and he is all by himself, kicking the crap out of no one.
posted by from shannon at 7:16 PM

 
Since Shannon is probably the worst webblogger ever, and she never updates her webblog, I am going to have to take over her webblog and get an update in here. So for all of you that were so excited to see a new post, don't get too excited, because this is Joe, not Shannon. But I pretty much know everything that Shannon does anyway and so I think I can do a pretty good job of talking about what is going on.

Yesterday we all went to Disneyland. The day started off with me getting a wake up call at 9:25 in the morning. After I realized it was the phone that was ringing and not the alarm and I had got a handle on my motor skills, I was able to pick up the phone without dropping it and it was Shannon. She had gone to Anaheim to scout out the area before everyone else or something like that, but she had forogtten her Disneyland Pass. So I had to climb three stories up to her balcony and break in just so I could find her pass. I spent about a half hour looking through her underwear drawer, but it wasn't there, so then I decided to actually look in the place where Shannon told me to look, and I pretty much found it right away.

Then we got to Disneyland, but Ben and I had quite a scare when Lindy ran off with Ben's cell phone and car keys. We were stuck on the Disneyland tram, and since those things move at a blazing speed of 10 mph, there was no way we could get off. We were pretty sure that Josh, Lindy, and Shannon were going to leave us there, but luckily we were able to wrestle Shannon to the ground and knock her out with the chloroform that Ben carries. And so Josh and Lindy were not able to make their escape once we had Shannon at our mercy.

Then we reminisced about how fun college was and how angry I was all time.

Once we finally got into the park the fun pretty much ended, except Lindy did tell me that the place she likes me the best is right between her legs, so that was kind of fun.
posted by from shannon at 5:03 PM